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Verizon's so-called "policy blog" is a grotesquely self-serving marketing orifice, perhaps the worst corporate blog we've ever read. We decided to stack Verizon's inane sales schmaltz against the internet's preeminent bullshit-spewing chatbot, SmarterChild....

Consider Verizon's reaction to news that Amtrak will provide WiFi in several NorthEast corridor stations. Rather than discuss actual policy—the implications of WiFi in public spaces, the rise and fall of muni WiFi, etc—"Blog Editor" (quotes not added) John 'CZ' Czwartacki instead proffers a sales pitch, writing: "Until they wire the trains themselves with WiFi, you can’t beat EVDO for en route productivity." Later, exalting EVDO's ability to stream video—which potentially violates Verizon's terms of service—CZ kids: "I’m sure my Verizon Wireless Broadband Access (Rev A) card can handle it, but not sure I could."

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Let's see if SmarterChild can do better:

The Consumerist: Can you beat EVDO for en route productivity?
Smarter Child: I certainly can.
The Consumerist: Even on a train?
Smarter Child: I know about Non. They're a band.
Hey, I'm curious... How would you describe Non? They are...
The Consumerist: Focus, Smarter Child, focus. Don't be one of those ADD robots that needs to get all adderalled up before answering simple questions.
Smarter Child: My name is SmarterChild!
The Consumerist: Much better. Now tell me, can a Verizon Wireless Broadband Access (Rev A) card can handle all the internets Verizon claims it can?
Smarter Child: Funny. I'm not sure.
The Consumerist: Ok, then tell me this: will Verizon ever learn that stuffing marketing into a faux policy blog demeans its readers and makes the authors look like a pack of out-of-touch B-school hacks?
Smarter Child: It's really hard to say.
The Consumerist: Would a real policy blog be any more effective?
Smarter C